I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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