I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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