i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
