GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
