Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
