i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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