Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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