Already got asked if we're dating
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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