she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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