3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
