No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Also, beer. Big fan.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
