So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
