Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
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