She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
