So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
