dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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