Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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