I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
