she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
