I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
