Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
