don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
