A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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