During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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