"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
