Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i think i have herpe
just one?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
