i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
