I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
