Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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