I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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