he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
