you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
