i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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