you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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