I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I won't apologize to a one balled man
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
