if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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