Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
And the cops told us we were all naked.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
