and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
