It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
