Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
