What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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