pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
