So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
where does the pee come out of this thing
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
