walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
