I'm going to jail i love you
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
