Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
