I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
3pm strippers are depressing
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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