He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Randomize
