Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
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