In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
