Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
