Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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