Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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