I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
You're a waste of cheezeits
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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