why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
