Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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