I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
how do you play pong handcuffed?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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