my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
