his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
