I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
