if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
