He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
