I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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