no, he came in my armpit
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
