Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I think I won the penis lottery.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
