What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
