butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
