Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
