Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Randomize
