i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
